


Kickass Kili

by jynx



Series: Durin Dons [2]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Commission fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-19
Updated: 2014-04-19
Packaged: 2018-01-20 01:28:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1491736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jynx/pseuds/jynx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fili & Thorin are a little baffled to realize that Kili? Really can take care of himself. And is rather frighteningly capable.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kickass Kili

Kili spun, gun coming up as he heard the door open, but relaxed as he saw Fili. His brother had a bag of groceries in one hand and a gobsmacked expression on his face. “Please tell me you have bread,” Kili said, dancing around the dead bodies on the floor. “I’m starving.”

“What the…” Fili asked, looking around.

Kili ignored him, digging around in the bag. “Oh, screw that, you’ve got the good rolls. Can you make me a sandwich while I get cleaned up? Kinda bloody and grimey.”

“Kili,” Fili protested. 

“Thorin’s still in the bedroom,” Kili said. “Needed him to stay out of the way.”

“You didn’t throw him in the bathtub?” Fili asked, eyebrow raised.

“I couldn’t handcuff him in the bathtub,” Kili pointed out. “And I need the bathtub now because I am going to soak and enjoy the hot water and getting all the blood and sweat and grime off me.”

“Want some company?” Fili asked.

“Nope!” Kili said cheerfully. “You’re going to make me an amazing sandwich and run interference with Thorin because he’s going to bitch.”

“I am?” Fili asked.

“Oh you so are,” Kili said. He dropped the gun in the grocery bag and stole a kiss from Fili before flouncing--yes, he legitimately flounced--off the the bathroom. He was enjoying this far too much. First he had saved his and Thorin’s collective bacon and then, even better, he had managed to stun and shock Fili into inaction. His normally take charge, do-what-I-say brother was left floundering. 

He wasn’t sure his day could get much better than this. Well, the bath would help. They had a wonderful bath, one that could fit two of them comfortably with jets and all the wonderfulness of a jacuzzi tub. He stripped and got into the hot water, sinking in the water up to his chin and stretched. He closed his eyes and just let himself relax.

After a few moments he could hear arguing outside in the rest of the penthouse. Fili and Thorin were trying to keep quiet but Kili had good hearing. He couldn’t make out their words but the tone of voices was anxious and deeply unhappy. Silence fell and then there was a knock on the door.

“Hm?” Kili asked, relaxing into the water some more and refusing to move.

“Can I come in?” Fili asked.

“You wanna join me?” Kili asked. He was smiling to himself and lifted a hand, lazily dragging it through the surface of the water. “Have a little fun?”

Fili opened the door. “No, actually; I want to talk to you.”

“Talking is boring,” Kili said. “I prefer action to words.”

Fili stood some distance away, looking awkward and worried, something that was decidedly un-Fili-like. Kili sat up a little and tilted his head to the side in question. Fili shook his head and started to strip his clothes off. Kili smiled and scooted forward, leaving room for Fili. His brother settled behind him and forcibly maneuvered them into a more comfortable position.

“You scared us,” Fili murmured into Kili’s hair. His hands were moving, examining him by touch, looking for any hint of injury.

Kili snorted and wiggled back against his brother. “I’m in one piece. No wounds. The idiots underestimated me and died for it.”

“Why did we ever think you were the one who needed protecting?” Fili asked, brushing a kiss over Kili’s shoulder. 

“Because the two of you are idiots,” Kili said. “Now, pet me some more. You are my minion today.”

“Oh, I am am I?” Fili asked with a chuckle. “What did I do to deserve such an honor?”

“Because I said so and Thorin’s too sore to wait on me.”

Fili wrapped his arms around Kili’s waist, leaning back and bringing Kili with him so they were comfortably reclined. Kili was settled between his brother’s legs and FIli was absently stroking his hip. There was silence except for Kili’s pleased sighs at the touches and the sound of Fili kissing Kili's skin randomly. The water had started to cool when Fili’s hand slipped lower.

“Seriously?” Kili asked, arching into his touch. 

“Let your humble minion serve you,” Fili said, nibbling along Kili’s neck and earlobe. Kili bit his lip to hold back his moan, letting Fili touch him as he willed. It didn’t take long before Kili was crying out and going stiff against Fili before bonelessly lying limp against him. “So beautiful,” Fili praised. 

Kili wiggled slightly, rubbing his back against Fili’s chest. “You should let me take care of you,” he said. He could feel Fili against his ass and the idea of…

Fili chuckled. “I’ll let uncle handle me.”

Kili sat up and flipped the drain on the tub before standing. He was a little weak on his feet but he felt it was worth it. Handle him. As if Kili couldn’t handle Fili when he was in a possessive and dominating mood. Asshole. He grabbed his towel and wrapped it around his waist before leaving the bathroom. 

They all had separate bedrooms in the penthouse for obvious reasons. Thorin was technically married and Fili would eventually have to marry as well. Kili, though, kept his room in case he wanted to get away from his ridiculous family. He threw the lock on his door--a lock that only he had the key to and, if anyone tried picking the lock, he would knock them senseless--and sat on his bed. He pulled the towel free of his body and worked on drying his hair before working it into a tight braid. 

He saw his phone and stretched out, grabbing it. He had several text messages from Nori and Bofur, both of them freaking out at him. Bofur and Bifur had probably been called in to get rid of the bodies and Bofur, bless him, was a horrible gossip. By now everyone in the Family probably knew about him. 

Not that he was supposed to know about the Family. That was for Fili and Thorin and everyone but him. Even freaking Ori knew about the Family, was part of the Family, but fuck it all if Kili was allowed in on it.

Maybe he should give his mom a call, see if she could knock some sense into the other two.

“You little shit,” Nori hissed as he picked up the phone. “You’ve got everyone freaking out.”

“Calm down,” Kili said, yawning and rolling over. “I won’t rat you out. Ori might but I won’t.”

“Gee, thanks,” Nori said.

“You’ll be fine,” Kili said. “Me, on the other hand, I might be about to commit a whole lot of fratricide and some parricide.”

“You’ve lost me at the Latin,” Nori said. “But I think I get it.” He cleared his throat. “Look, kid, I taught you what I did to keep you alive--”

“And I blackmailed you.”

“--and you blackmailed me. Fili had already taught you plenty but the rest of it. Go make nice with your family. They’re all you’ve got in life,” Nori said.

“But I have such a big Family,” Kili said, reaching back and snagging his braid and examining the ends of his hair. “Not that anyone bothered to tell me until you.”

“Yeah, well. It’s kind of hard to keep lying to you when I was trying to get in your pants,” Nori said.

“You didn’t have a chance in hell anyway but it was fun,” Kili said.

“Manipulative shit,” Nori said without any heat.

“Look at who I’m related to and then tell me you’re surprised.” Kili looked over his shoulder at the knock on his door. “I’m being summoned. Check on me later to make sure I’ve haven’t decided to add to my body count?”

“Sure,” Nori said. 

Kili hung up and tossed the phone to the side as he got up. He hitched the towel up around his hips and opened the door. Fili was standing there, his hair damp and spiked up in weird angels, holding out a clean set of gym shorts and the t-shirt Kili always ended up stealing from him.

“What?” Kili asked, leaning against the doorjam.

“Neither Thorin or I are handling this right,” Fili said. “Or well.”

“Handling this as in handling the fact I can take care of myself, or the fact I know about everything, or the fact I saved Thorin’s ass from getting shot again?” Kili asked.

“Yes,” Fili said. Kili resisted a smile, trying to stay scowling. Fili offered the clothes again. Kili sighed and took them, twitching his hips hard enough to drop the towel before tugging the shorts on. “I know I taught you self-defense and Thorin made sure we all took krav maga, but who taught you to shoot?”

“Nori,” Kili said as he pulled the shirt on. “There was some blackmail involved.” Fili let out a strangled sound and Kili glanced at him as he picked up his towel. “You okay?”

“You blackmailed Nori,” Fili said.

“Yep,” Kili said. “When I first figured you lot out and then got curious. Nori was trying to get in my pants at the time and I let him think he had a chance if he opened his mouth and talked. So he did. And then he got nothing for it.”

“I was going to say,” Fili murmured.

Kili shrugged. “He doesn’t do it for me. But weapons? He’s good with those. I couldn’t go to Dwalin because he would have just told the two of you so, but since Nori has fun pissing Dwalin off and fighting with him as often as possible, he was the logical decision.”

“You’re dangerous,” Fili laughed. “Me and Uncle better watch our backs or you’re going to take over.”

“Nah,” Kili said. “You guys can rule, I’ll just drape myself over the back of your chairs and whisper sweet words of poison.”

Fili reached out, grabbing Kili by the hips, and pulled him close. “There are no words for how much I love you.”

“I’m not fragile,” Kili said. “I don’t need to be protected or coddled. No cotton or bubble wrap, nothing like that required.”

“I know,” Fili said. He nuzzled Kili’s jaw and kissed it. “I forget sometimes. You’re my baby brother and I want to protect you. I never wanted you to get involved in all of this. Mum didn’t want you involved in this. She tried to get out and then, well. Dad.” Kili sighed and wrapped himself closer around Fili. “We just.”

“You’re all idiots is what you are,” Kili said. He straightened and tugged Fili toward his bed so they could lay down and get closer. “Did anyone think that, you know, instead of trying to keep me in the dark and ‘protect’ me that you should have told me everything in the first place? Not hidden it? Actually prepared me for what our world is?”

“Our world?” Fili asked as he flopped back on the bed and pulled Kili down on top of him. Their legs tangled and Kili relaxed, tucking his head under Fili’s chin. Fingers trailed idly over each other’s flesh, just needing that extra point of contact. “You mean our business?”

Kili hummed in agreement, closing his eyes. 

“Well,” Fili said after a moment. “I. I actually don’t have an answer for you.”

“Exactly,” Kili said. He ran a hand along his brother’s forearms, playing with his arm hair. Fili was so blond and gold everywhere it looked like he didn’t have any body hair but it was just impossibly light. And fluffy. There was a reason Ori would randomly draw Fili as a clucking chick when doodling during classes. “Do you know who those guys were?”

“It’s a group that thinks they should be a threat. As you can see, not exactly a threat.”

“They’ve been stalking me at the university for a little over a month,” Kili said. He traced the path of Fili’s veins. “Probably the ones who tried to kill Thorin.”

“Then they are already dead.”

"Don't supposed I could help," Kili said with a sigh.

"Don't you think you've done enough?" Fili asked. He sounded frustrated and tugged on Kili's braid. "Let us adjust to the idea that you know exactly what you're doing and what you're getting into before you go all gung-ho."

Kili puffed his cheeks out in annoyance and blew out the air. "Fine."

The was a knock on the door and Thorin came in, carrying a plate. "Is this a private event or can anyone join?"

Kili sat up. Thorin had his sandwich! But... "That depends," he said. It wouldn't do to be so eager that Thorin thought this was going to be an easy means of forgiveness. Both he and Fili were going to be paying for ages over the whole situation. “You going to be an overbearing pain in my ass?”

Thorin chuckled, sitting down on the bed and offering Kili the plate. His uncle had left his bandages off and pulled on a button-up while leaving it open. It was interesting how both he and Fili were dressed for comfort in sweats or shorts, neither looking particularly ready to leave anytime soon. It was slightly suspicious.

“I will try not to be, how’s that?” Thorin asked. “We do need to talk, though.”

“Wow, so much talking in a family that’s not too keen on words,” Kili said, voice dry. “Is the world ending? Is the sky still blue? Have I died and gone to hell?”

Fili sat up as well, placing a kiss on Kili’s shoulder and smoothing his hands down along Kili’s arms. “You don’t have to be so sarcastic. We’re trying.”

Kili took the plate and ignored them, picking up the sandwich and biting into it. He refused to argue. He had all the right in the world to be mad with them. They seemed to have realized that, neither doing more than settling more comfortably on the bed. Fili kept him close, hands constantly moving over his arms or stomach or back. Thorin had shifted, reclining on his side across the bed. Kili kept an eye on the stitches that he could see, ready to yell if he saw the tiniest hint of blood.

Fili took the plate from him once he was done and carried it into the kitchen. 

“Thank you,” Thorin said, reaching out and taking Kili’s hand. “You saved us when I could not.”

“The world really must be ending,” Kili said.

“Don’t be a brat,” Thorin said, squeezing his hand.

“I have every right to be a brat,” Kili said, trying to pull his hand away while Thorin held his fingers tight to prevent being shaken off. “The two of you have been lying to me my whole life. I was being followed by those assholes at school and they came here because of who you are, who we all are. Instead of telling me so I could be prepared in case anything happened you kept me in the dark. You had Fili lie to me too. The both of you!” Thorin cleared his throat, opening his mouth to speak. “Unless you’re going to tell me that you were wrong, that you apologize, and that you are going to disclose everything, I don’t want to hear it.” Thorin’s mouth snapped shut.

“Reading you the riot act?” Fili asked, sliding back on the bed and scooting behind Kili. Thorin nodded, lips twitching into a smile. “Yeah, he’s kind of pissed.”

Kili’s elbow went back with enough force that Fili yelped in pain. “Kind of is an understatement.”

“Who told you?” Thorin asked.

Kili arched an eyebrow. “Do I look like a rat?”

“You told me,” Fili said softly.

“You, dear brother, are not in charge of the entire Family,” Kili said sweetly, tilting his head back. “Heir apparent is not yet the king.”

“Such a mouth,” Fili said. He kissed the back of Kili’s neck and scratched lightly at his stomach. “We’re just concerned.”

“Will you tell us what you know?” Thorin asked. “I would rather make sure that, now you know, you know the correct information.”

“You are being...very reasonable about this,” Kili said.

“We’ve had some time to adjust,” Thorin pointed out. “Not as long as we would like but there has been time.”

Kili settled a little more comfortably against Thorin and waited for the truth.

:::

Kili had his arms crossed over his chest as he stared down at Fili. His brother was trying very hard not to laugh as he held out the gun to Kili. Fili held the barrel, offering the grip to Kili, silently urging just from that position that Kili take the gun.

“No,” Kili said.

“Oh, come on,” Fili said. He gave in to the urge, chuckling quietly, as he continued to hold the gun out to Kili.

“Why?” Kili asked. “You think I should put on a show for you?”

“I want to see you shoot,” Fili said. “Dwalin and Nori both agreed that the way you took out those guys was some damn impressive shooting. You nailed almost every one in the throat.”

Kili shrugged. “And?”

“And? Shoot for me.”

Kili rolled his eyes and took the gun, examining it and clicking the safety off, checking the magazine. He knew his way around a gun and he had to admit that the Nighthawk T4 was a very nice gun. “This yours?” Kili asked, extending his arm and sighting down the line.

“We can get you your own,” Fili offered.

“Whatever,” he said. He grabbed a pair of ballistics headphones and glasses and took aim. It was a lot easier to hit the paper target than a moving body. After the first two shots Kili had to adjust his stance to account for the pull of the gun. It was actually kind of soothing, emptying the clip into the target. Once he’d emptied the clip he cleared the chamber and offered the gun back to Fili.

“Well,” Fili said, taking the gun and clearing his throat. “We, uh, we know that you can shoot.”

“Yeah, I can shoot,” Kili said. He hooked his thumbs in his jeans and leaned back against the counter. “You had doubts?”

“Well…”

“You remember summer camp all those years ago? The rustic one in the woods with the tire and rope swings, the wood amphitheatre, the lakes and everything?” Fili nodded. “They did bb guns with some of us and archery. I always was the best shot.”

“I’d forgotten about that,” Fili said. He smiled and came closer, tugging Kili against him and kissing his nose. “So you can shoot and I know you can fight. Can you use a knife?”

“Have you forgotten who Nori is?” Kili asked, trying very hard not to arch an eyebrow or roll his eyes. Of course he could use a knife. That’s all Nori used.

Everyone in the family had their own specialty, some of them making no practical sense but Kili could see where some skill would come in handy. Ori was their hacker, quick with a keyboard and finding the tiniest holes in security systems; Dwalin was their main muscle and enforcer, which wasn’t hard to believe because Kili had seen him punch through concrete without any problem once and if Dwalin could do that for the fuck of it then he could do a lot more damage; Nori was their thief and knife expert; Dori dealt in information, something about his demeanor had people mistaking him for a kindly uncle and spilled all their secrets; Oin was their doctor while his brother Gloin was their money man, making sure the money came back clean; Balin advised Thorin on everything and anything; Bifur and Bofur were their clean up crew and sis a lot of their dirty work while Bombur ran a very popular eatery that ended up cleaning a lot of their money.

There were others, but the Family was what it was, and they had all lied in one way or another to Kili over the years. It would take some serious ass kissing before he would be ready to forgive any of them.

“Can we go home now?” Fili asked. “I want to lay you out and worship you.”

“Because I know how to handle a gun?” Kili asked.

“Because you are amazing and handsome and my perfect little brother who will never stop surprising me,” Fili said. “I know we could probably talk Thorin into helping me.”

“You need Thorin’s help with me?” Kili asked.

“Not at all,” Fili said. He reached down and squeezed Kili’s ass, pulling him even closer. “But having both of us at the same time? Seeing you stretched wide around both our cocks would be gorgeous. You love it too, don’t you, when you’ve got both of us inside you, doing nothing but focusing on you.” Fili tilted his head, sucking on Kili’s earlobe and dragging his teeth over the soft flesh. “Let me take you home, Ki.”

Kili shuddered against him. “Much rather have you fuck me while Thorin fucks you.”

A filthy smile stretched across Fili’s face. “We can do that too,” he said. “He’s at the office right now. What would you say to a little sex on his desk?”

Kili reached up, running his fingers through Fili’s short hair. “I’d say with the three of us it would be very interesting to see how that would happen.”

“I’d get you up on the desk,” Fili said. “Get me cock in you and get you all hot and bothered, desperate.”

“Yeah? You bending me over it or am I sitting on it?” Kili asked, reaching down between them to adjust himself in his pants.

“Sitting on it first,” Fili said. “I love seeing how flushed and desperate you get at the beginning, mouth open and gasping.”

“First?”

“Oh yeah,” Fili said with a laugh. “Then I’d pull out, pull you off the desk and push you down on it. Thorin will probably want a turn, get his own piece of you before the end.”

“He is rather possessive of us,” Kili said with a twitch of his lips. “And he’s been so frustrated with us lately, not being allowed to do more than use his fingers.”

“Exactly,” Fili said. “We’d let him have a bit of you while I slick myself up. I’d make you both watch.” Kili licked his lips, moving his hand so he could cup and grip Fili through his pants. His brother bit his lip as his lashed fluttered for a second. “We’d make him pull out of you before he comes.”

“Then what?” Kili asked. “Would I slide off the desk and drop to my knees?”

“You could,” Fili agreed. He moved his hands, sliding both of them easily down the back of Kili’s jeans, getting two decent handfuls of his brother’s ass.

“I’d suck on his balls,” Kili said, flexing his hand against Fili. “Get him as worked up as possible. And then you’d pull me away—“

“And you would whine like the spoiled brat you are—“

“And you’d slam me against the desk before sliding home.”

“You love being manhandled,” Fili said. “And I’d wait inside you while Thorin takes me.”

“None of us would last long,” Kili said.

“Just long enough,” Fili said. “We’d make an absolute mess.”

“There’s nothing wrong with a good mess,” Kili said.

Fili moved one of his hands, fingers sliding between Kili’s crack to rub against his hole. “I’d have Thorin lick your stomach clean while I suck my come out of you.”

Kili blinked at him before a smile. “You do realize that this is going to be a thing now, right?”

“What, the two of us and uncle? It’s been a thing for a while, little brother.”

“All of this,” Kili said as he twisted away from Fili’s hands. His brother leaned back, watching him. “We keep going as we have and you all keep me in the loop.”

Fili leaned in and kissed him. “Of course.”

“Then we should go see uncle,” Kili said with a wink.


End file.
